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2004-10-14 - 8:09 p.m.
emote control
ok, so i was at the station yesterday and my train was a few minutes late. it is something that i have become accustomed to because trains are the coolest way to get around and so they have to keep stopping to pick more people up. it is maybe not too hard to see that they would be quicker if it were not for the few idiot humans who have to get their bicycles on or squeeze their fat bodies through the thin doors but it cannot be helped. if the trains only let good people ride on them they would be pretty expensive, i think.
anyway, that is too much information about trains. the important thing is that the station has a computer voice that tells waiting people about where the trains go and etc and the voice came on to say that the next train was running a few minutes late. then the voice said that it was sorry for any inconvenience this may cause. it seems a pretty innocuous statement and at first i just let it pass until i realised that the computer is feeling sorry for us because we are out in the cold and have to wait longer which means that the station computer has emotions - it is a breakthrough that has passed us by. it is unfortunate that the train came before i could find out whether it was programmed with transport emotions or it just evolved them while it was waiting to talk to humans about things.
ok, so while i waited at home to go back to the station and find out i decided to see which other computers might have acquired emotions without anyone noticing. obviously recyclebot has emotions but technically he is a robot and not a computer - it is a whole world of difference, i think. also, it would be easy to claim that the toaster has emotions and hates humans because it always either burns or undercooks the bread but this is not a poorly written sitcom so that conclusion cannot be drawn. i thought that maybe my palmtop might have evolved emotions by now because i have been drawing pictures on it for almost a year and most have some sort of emotional content (it is probably best to say those two words in a bruce lee voice for maximum effect) but it is not true. i also tried my internet computer but it is mainly only interested in enlarging man parts and sending money to african businessmen so i did not want to talk to it too much. i did not want to talk to the tv either because it mostly only spits out garbage.
it is maybe not an exhaustive survey but i think that the station computer is the only one worth bothering with and so i think it is probably a good idea to try to be its friend. there is nothing a triumvirate of robot, computer and human cannot accomplish, i think; except perhaps making a good toaster ... [INSERT "LIVE" STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGHTER] ... [CUE SITCOM END CREDITS].
paul.
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