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2004-07-26 - 6:38 p.m.
dumb dumb dumb
ok, so i lost my wallet somewhere, even though i am pretty obsessive compulsive about things i carry around with me - unnatural for someone so messy. anyway, i needed to get the bus because i am basically london scum and have no car or anything and all the money i had was the shrapnel i could find on my desk and in stinky old trousers or whatever. i ended up with a stack of five pence pieces and also some tens and a fifty - about fourteen or so coins which just made enough for where i needed to go.
i went to the bus stop with coins jangling in my pocket and when the bus came i got on and dumped all the coins in the bus driver's pig trough money thing. i do not think the bus driver could count because he started grumbling and moaning even though by law he had to take the coins because in this country you have to accept payment unless there are more than twenty coins i think - then you can refuse.
anyway, he eventually just took my word for it that the money was right and let me on but not before he imparted his wisdom on me. he told me that i should have gone into the shop over the road and changed the coins into something bigger. it was only then that i realised why the driver could not count the coins: he must be from some sort of backwards parallel universe. in my universe you go into a shop when you need to break a banknote by buying chewing gum or something and then taking the change. in his world you must be able to take in your coins and then maybe give the shopkeeper some gum or buy something or whatever and he would give you a bank note or one pound coins or something in return - it is a stroke of genius i tell you.
for a second i thought about asking him about the freaky world he lives in because i know nothing about the bus driver universe but i thought it would end up with bloody knuckles and my stream of consciousness all over the dirty seats so i kept my mouth shut like i normally do. also, when i thought about it later, i came to the conclusion that he was probably just an asshole.
paul.
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